Pensieri

Se non avessi paura, cosa farei?

paura

Forse mi butterei in quel progetto che ho in mente da tempo.
Forse troverei le parole da rivolgere a una persona con la quale il rapporto si è sciupato e non so bene perché.
Forse ne manderei a fanculo almeno un paio.
Forse chiuderei definitivamente una porta.
Forse mi fiderei di più di chi ancora non ho conosciuto abbastanza.
Forse abbasserei le difese.
Farei del volontariato in ospedale.
Mi proporrei, che non lo faccio quasi mai.
Farei quel viaggio da sola.
Proverei il brivido di un lancio col paracadute.

A volte penso che dietro questa semplice domanda si nasconda la verità che ci separa dall’essere più sereni e magari anche più realizzati. L’ho scoperto da poco e per caso, ascoltandola non ricordo nemmeno più dove. Forse l’ho letta… boh. La fonte è scomparsa ma quelle parole mi sono rimaste in testa.

“Se non avessi paura, cosa faresti?”

Non “Cosa vuoi?”, “Quali sono i tuoi sogni?”, “Qual è il tuo desiderio più grande?”… no. Già sentite. Ti portano a vagare con la mente, a fantasticare, a pensare in grande o a mettere nel calderone dei tuoi desideri anche quello che ancora non hai solo per pigrizia o mancanza di tempo. Scendiamo sul pratico, inchiodiamoci spalle al muro di fronte alle nostre reali difficoltà: cosa vorresti e saresti capace di fare, se solo non ne avessi una paura matta?
Ho provato a darmi delle risposte, sono scritte sopra in ordine sparso e con parole generiche. Qualcuna mi ha sorpreso. L’ho quasi scoperta mentre la scrivevo, quasi fosse una rivelazione. Perché occorre coraggio anche nel riconoscerle, certe nostre cazzo di paure. Di essere giudicati, di rischiare troppo, di soffrire, di perdere qualcuno o qualcosa.
Siamo alle prese con i nostri desideri tutti i giorni, sogniamo per noi qualcosa sempre. Forse troppo, per questo ci confondiamo e facciamo fatica a mettere a fuoco ciò che in primis ci necessita e abbiamo difficoltà a prendere una direzione verso la sua realizzazione. Troppe cose, troppi pensieri, troppo rumore. Ci inventiamo scuse giustificazioni ed attenuanti di fronte al nostro stallo. Eppure ciò che più ci separa dai nostri sogni è forse la paura.
Penso che la domanda così formulata sia quella capace di tirare fuori quella verità così importante. Voglio dire. Tra tanti sogni e piccoli grandi desideri, ce n’è almeno uno che arriveremo a comprendere. Finalmente. Per me è stato così.
Credo che cercherò di tirare fuori quella dose di coraggio che tutti abbiamo e credo che tornerò a pormi questa domanda, ogni tanto. Quando mi sentirò inquieta, quando di nuovo sentirò che mi manca qualcosa, quando il bisogno di un piccolo cambiamento si farà sentire.
Perché se la mancanza di tempo e la pigrizia possono essere sconfitte con l’organizzazione e l’autodisciplina – grazie alle quali certo miglioreremmo – debellare certe nostre paure porterebbe alla nostra crescita. Cambieremmo, nel profondo.

Ci proviamo?

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